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To My First Born: As You Become A Big Brother

Dear Sweet Boy,

I have honestly dreaded writing this for so long because I know the tears that I will (and already have) shed over the big life change our family is about to experience. In a few short days, your baby sister will arrive. We are so excited for her arrival and can’t wait to give you the gift of a sibling. Your dad and I both have siblings and we know what a joy it is to grow up with built in best friends. I can’t wait for you to experience that with your sister.

However, I know that this will be a huge adjustment for you (and us). It’s just been the three of us for the past 2.5 years, and it has been the best 2.5 years of my life. You made me a mommy. We went through so much with you during your NICU stay, but looking back, that just gave us a glimpse of the person that you are. You are strong and you are a fighter.  Bringing you home was one of the happiest days of my life but also one of the scariest. I had no idea how I would care for you or what to do. But, we found our routine and we survived. We survived all of the late nights, early mornings, milestones, and more.

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We learned how to travel as a family together, and you and I went on several adventures, just us. You are my travel buddy and I love seeing things through your eyes.

As you’ve grown, your personality has grown with you. You are independent and stubborn, but you are so sweet and kind. You love your “Belle” dog and anything that has wheels, especially tractors. We have spent many hours cuddling and watching “shows”, even though that might not be the best parenting skill that I have to offer, I cherish every moment you’ve spent cuddled up next to me chattering about fire trucks or trains or whatever show we were watching at that time.

You are my best buddy, and I hope that you never forget that. I love every moment that we spend together, even if we are just riding in the car to go pick up groceries. You have been by my side through the difficult days, and I’ve been by yours when you’ve had difficult days. You have taught me to have more patience than I ever imagined I could muster. You have taught me how to be more in tune with what you need and that often times, a temper tantrum is just you showing me that you need something from me.

I want you to always know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I also want you to understand that just because your sister will need a large amount of my time and attention, especially at first, that doesn’t mean I love you any less. I want to apologize in advance if I’m grumpy because of lack of sleep or if I can’t pick you up as often as you want me to right after I have your sister. When there are difficult days, I promise to tell you how much I love you and to spend some time alone – just us, to remind you that we are still best buddies.

I know that the next few months will be a learning curve for all of us, but I know that you will be the best big brother to Rebecca. I can’t wait to see you two together and see how much you love her. I will admit, mommy is a little nervous, and a little sad that our time as ‘just us’ is coming to an end. I’ve struggled with it a lot over the past few weeks, if I’m being honest. I know that we are about to start on a fun new adventure together, and I’m so honored and blessed to have you by my side through all of this. You will be the best big brother ever, but always remember: I loved you first.