Skip to Content

To The Girl Who Thinks All Mothers Are Worthless

This is a difficult post for me to write, one that I have thought about a lot the past few days. I have really pondered if I should even write it, but after feedback from many other moms, I know that I need to write this. A little background: last week I was at the nail salon that I frequently visit, getting a relaxing pedicure. There was a girl, approximately 19 years old beside of me and her mom was on the other side of her. They were chit chatting when all of the sudden, the girl says “I can’t stand Trump, did you know that he wants to give stay at home moms a tax break? How stupid! They don’t even pay anything in taxes, they don’t get paid and they shouldn’t because they don’t do anything!”.

My blood was boiling. Was this girl serious? Did she just say that to HER mom? Now, before you go clicking off the page, this isn’t a political post at all, because regardless of where you stand politically, all moms deserve respect. 

My emotions almost got the best of me in the moment (haven’t we all been there)? 

I wanted to say: “Honey, you are so clueless” and to her mom: “You should be ashamed of yourself for allowing your daughter to speak that way”. 

Sure, we don’t get paid to do our jobs as moms, but recent studies show that stay at home moms should be earning a salary of $115,000. Far from worthless from a monetary standpoint.

Tax break? Most days, I’d love to just take a 30 minute break. What about a lunch? What’s that? Things that are both legally mandated for those working ‘regular’ jobs. So, yeah, a tax break would be nice.

We don’t do anything? Let’s chat for a minute. Most days, my day starts at 5 am and ends around 11 pm. I get up at least twice a night with my 1 year old. My day is spent working from home (yes, a ‘real’ job), cleaning our home, caring for my son (i.e. feeding, bathing, playing), cooking dinner, grocery shopping, and maintaining an organized home-just to name a few of the things in a usual day.

Now, before you think I’m complaining, I’m not. I am so thankful each day that I am able to stay at home with our son. I wouldn’t trade the long days and sometimes longer nights for anything. I have so much admiration and respect for working mothers, because, guess what? They have to do the ‘nothing’ that I do all day, after they have worked outside of their home all day. 

Here’s what really upset me about her entire attitude: the entitlement. The attitude that she was better than me and every other stay at home mom. The attitude that we are beneath her.

As moms, we’ve all been there. Working or stay at home. You’ve gotten those looks when you tell people you take your child to daycare or you are ‘just’ a stay at home mom. We’ve all gotten the questions:

“What DO you do all day?”

“Well, are you ok with someone else raising your child?”

And I’m tired of it. There is no wrong or right answer to the debate of working vs. staying at home. The only right answer is: do what is best for you and your family. Do what YOU CAN do. Being a mother is the most difficult, yet rewarding job on the planet.

The mom shaming has to stop, even if you aren’t a mom…ESPECIALLY if you aren’t a mom. You have no idea what we go through. You have no idea what it is to have your heart literally walking around outside of your body. You don’t know how long that mom struggled to have children. You have no idea if her husband just left her and she HAS to work, even though she longs to be at home. You don’t know.

To the girl who thinks that ALL mothers are worthless…because, really, that’s what she was saying. I hope that when you have children, you follow your heart and your instincts. I hope that you get to stay at home, if you want and if you want to work-I hope you do that as well. Mainly, I hope that you look back and kick yourself for your statements the other night–because, you never know who hears what you say and the impact you will have on them.

To the Girl Who Thinks All Mothers Are Worthless: What I Have To Say To You

Mair

Saturday 23rd of June 2018

Really loved this article. “Your heart walking around outside you” what a line ! You’re a writer

Viktoria

Thursday 23rd of February 2017

I Agree with you! But she's only 19.. I have two siblibgs, 17 and 19. And you can't take everything they say seriously. You have to give them a couple of years to grow up, Then you can talk to them without the stupid things they used to say :)

Susan

Thursday 16th of February 2017

Wow! So I'm older than all of you (most probably) & when I decided to stay at home with my first baby in 1987, I was met with the same ignorance, but it was from women my own age. I was asked by a colleague & someone I thought was a friend, "What do you do all day?" I should have known that relationship was on thin ice, but it didn't become apparent until 14 years later when I was dealing with that first child & the beginnings of her battle with bipolar disorder. This so called "friend" didn't have the slightest idea of what the daily life of a mother dealing with a child in that state entails. She accused me of not reaching out to HER to make plans to get together & she was ALWAYS the one to contact me. You can imagine my shock of how ignorant even so-called intelligent working women (outside the home) can actually be. I forgave her for her stupidity, but found no time to spend with her. I also told her I wished her peace & hoped that she would never have to experience any type of depression, least of all, through one of her children. We are no longer friends and I actually don't miss her. As we get older, we find the very little time we have & spend it with the very special people in our lives. As far as this 19 year old girl goes, she is a victim & a consequence of what results in a "trophy for everyone" society & the disrespect for other people's choices.

Loving Living Lancaster

Thursday 16th of February 2017

I love this! You are so right about the fact that as we get older, how important time is! Thank you for the words of wisdom!

Meghan

Wednesday 15th of February 2017

I think you also have to remember that she is 19 and extremely naive. I wouldn't take her words to heart and let it bother you. She has no idea the hardships of motherhood and what it entails. I remember making dumb remarks (not about motherhood in particular) when I was younger and found myself feeling real stupid when I actually had to face these issues. Hopefully she grows some common sense!

Loving Living Lancaster

Wednesday 15th of February 2017

I agree! It makes me so sad to think that her mother just sit and let it happen though without talking to her about her remarks.

Victoria Schneider

Wednesday 15th of February 2017

Yes! Yes! and yes! but just wait. One day she will grow up and possibly become a mother and will realize he stupidity of her statements and thoughts earlier in life. It is the greatest job and the hardest job I have ever had in my entire life. Thank you for sharing! victoria | www.thesoutherntrunk.com