This post is sponsored by Longhorn. As always, I only work with brands I use and love. Thank you for helping me support them.
Today’s post is a little personal, I’m talking about marriage and what happens to your marriage after kids. For 9 months, I prepped for our little one’s arrival and we waited with anticipation for him to enter our world. When he finally did, it was the best thing! I wouldn’t trade one second of it! One thing that no one told me was: having a baby changes your marriage.
No one looked at me and said: you know those women who go to the gas station in their pajamas? Yeah…that’ll be you. You won’t shower for days on end, you will have spit up in your hair, and you will feel gross. You will have stretch marks and you will cry over the Geico commercial (why does the gecko have to be so darn cute?). Your marriage will be different after having a baby.
After having our little one, we got off to a rough start. A two-week NICU stay, an emergency C-section and a lay-off 2 months later were NOT in the plan. Needless to say, the marriage that we had worked so hard on for 3 years. The relationship that was built around just the two of us-it was pushed to the back burner. Late nights watching Netflix were replaced with late night feedings. Don’t get me wrong: I wouldn’t trade being a mom for the world, but I would better prepare myself and remind myself to focus on our marriage and my husband a bit more in those early months.
Thankfully, I have the most understanding hubby in the world. He is so supportive, positive and an amazing provider for my family. Now that we have been parents for a little over a year, the fog has lifted and it’s easier to see that we need to focus on our marriage and make time for each other. When we focus on our marriage and having a great marriage, we can be better parents.
We have taken a few steps to ensure that our marriage remains a top priority and we keep our focus on each other:
Date Night:
Thankfully, each time my parents are in town, they always volunteer to keep our little one while we have a date night. At first, I felt a bit guilty about leaving our little one, but after time, I have realized that time away and time together as husband and wife are necessary. One of our favorite places for date night is Longhorn Steakhouse. We LOVE everything about Longhorn! Recently, we were able to visit our local Longhorn and the experience was absolutely amazing (as always).
We started our meal off with a glass of wine (for me) and a beer (for hubby), along with their spicy chicken bites and fresh baked bread. I ordered the crab cake filet and he had the hand-cut Atlantic salmon with bourbon marinade. Our meal was so delicious and the service was beyond perfect. Each time we have ever visited Longhorn Steakhouse, we have had a great experience and this time was no different! It was truly a night for us to reconnect, spend time together and enjoy a delicious meal. I highly recommend visiting your local Longhorn Steakhouse if you are looking for the perfect date night destination! 
Make Time For Each Other:
We have also made it a point lately to ensure we carve time out for each other. It can be easy for me to work until 10 at night, but that isn’t healthy to do every night. We are making it a point to unplug, unwind and spend time watching a TV show or movie together a few times a week.
Discuss Your Day:
It’s easy to get caught up in talking about the kids or what’s for dinner, but we try to make it a point to discuss our day. I make it a point each day to ask my hubby how his day was and he does the same.
How do you stay connected to your spouse?
This is so true! They change everything about your marriage, date nights are so important! We love Longhorn!
Great read. I know so many marriages that have failed after children entered the equation. I feel a lot of people do not consider that they must make the husband-wife relationship a priority too.
I love reading posts like this before they become a reality of my life. Being prepared and having steps in place prior to making big changes works best for me to keep sane.
Yes, it is!
Our kids are older (9 & 12), so we have finally gotten to that point where we can spend some guilt free adult time away from them. It’s NICE!
For sure, the guilt is real!
I am CFBC, but married a man with kids. It always surprises me when people say they didn’t know kids would change things. They do in such a big way and it is hard and great all at once. 100% agree to focus on each other. Marriage first. Someday the kids will be gone and the foundation of what you’ve built together needs to be STRONG. Love Longhorn – my parents go there all the time (42 years married lol).
Absolutely, focusing on each other is so important.
I certainly need to reinstate dating my hubby again too. We must be doing something right as we are still together 16 years later.
Congrats, 16 years is awesome!
My husband really struggled with jealousy when our first baby was born. he is better now, but he still is quite jealous of our kids. It is sometimes hard for parents to adjust
It for sure is, it’s a different way of life!
One thing that we did (we will be celebrating our 40th anniversary in June!) is join a book club together. It reminds us that we are intellectuals, not just the people who occupy a home together. We get to see our spouse in a new way, one that is intriguing and interesting.
That is a great idea!
Great advice girl! I’m not there yet but I sure am excited and when the day comes I’ll be sure to keep the marriage first priority!
xo, jess
alljessedup.com
Wonderful!
My fiancé and I both agree, when it times to having kids, our relationship will not come second to the kids. It is so important to keep your relationship healthy for the kids’ sake!
It’s great that you both agree on that, so important!
We’re 45/46 and don’t have kids. I will say it’s disheartening to see so many couples with kids separating because of the things you talked about. They don’t make time for each other, and when they do it’s all about the kids. A relationship takes work. Make sure you grow together and not apart!
That’s so very true, I love the ‘growing together and not apart’! Great insight.
Interesting perspective! I am not planning on having kids any time soon but this is interesting insight and I’ll have to pass it on to my best friend who’s a new mother 🙂 xo, sharon
http://www.stylelullaby.com/lifestyle/staying-healthy-traditional-medicinals-walmart/
Thanks!
I love this. So many people don’t realize that so much changes after kids. You have to work to make your marriage work, especially after kids.
So true!
This is so great! We love our children and couldn’t imagine our lives without them in it!
Having kids definitely changes just about everything! I wouldn’t trade that for the world though. Great ideas here.
I agree, it’s the best thing ever!
Bless this is such a wonderful post! We do many of these things even without having children at the moment – it’s sometimes very useful to just stop and be grateful for each other! x
That is so true, being grateful is so important.
I can only imagine how much things change when you have children. It’s so important to make time for each other and have date nights still 🙂
Three cheers for date night! Scheduling “us” time is so important to me and the hubs too. I just booked a sitter in fact! 🙂
This is a really helpful read for me as my husband and I are trying to figure out timing! Thanks for sharing your experience <3
Yes, children change a marriage drastically…. and, sadly, some marriages do not survive having children. It is so important to keep those date nights!
You’re so right! That is why my husband and I try to go on a “date” at least once a month. It’s definitely a surefire way to ensure a stronger marriage.
For sure, it’s nice to just sit and talk!
oh my gosh! children change everything about your marriage! 🙂 but I love what you are reminded us we need to do even though kids are now in the pic
Yes they do!
Having a baby is stressful and can really be hard. I agree that date nights are so worth the time it takes to get a reliable babysitter.
I loved the true in this post! I have 3 little ones and it would be a big lie to say nothings changes or everything’s changed for the better. With kids, your marriage, like everything else in life, needs time and nurturing too. Thanks for sharing this.
It’s true, children can have a big have a big effect on a marriage. I think it’s really important to laugh together and to remember that you’re always on the same team!
Going out for a date seems like a great idea. I cannot tell you when the last time was that I did that with my husband.
Awe, so nice to see you prioritizing, I’m sure it really changed things up! Date night certainly looked yummy!