Last night was the night. The night that I would stop giving you your bottle at 2 a.m., or whatever other time you decide to wake up and cry for me. After all, you’re 14 months and in some ‘expert’ opinions…’way too old for a bottle’. They say that you should be sleeping 10-12 hours at night. I told myself that I would let you cry it out. That you would be ok and it is best for all of us that you learn to sleep through the night….without a bottle.
Then, 11:30 p.m. came. You woke up crying. I let you cry for 5 minutes, you cried harder and harder. I tried to stay strong, “he will be ok”. Then, I told myself “maybe he needs a diaper change…just a diaper change”. I went in, changed your diaper, hugged you and put you back in your crib. You cried even more this time. I couldn’t do it. We’ve been in and out of town traveling for the past almost 3 weeks. You’ve started walking and you’re cutting 3 more teeth at the same time. So many changes for one little boy (and momma).
I went back in your room and gave you a bottle. I patted your back and kissed you goodnight. Within 5 minutes you were asleep.
I laid there for a few minutes watching you on your monitor. I didn’t feel guilty for ‘giving in’. I didn’t worry about you being 14 months old with a bottle and a paci. I just thought about how fast the time is flying. How big you are getting. How fast you are growing. And I realized: I’m doing a good job. I’m doing it MY way. You are loved, you are fed, you are happy. That’s all that matters.
Who cares if you have one bottle a night until you’re 16 months old? I don’t think they will ask you that question on your future job applications.
Who cares if you get up once a night until you’re 4. (Although, I would prefer to sleep through the night before then)
Who cares if the experts say I’m doing it all wrong?
I’m learning to take all advice with a grain of salt. I trust very few people’s advice fully when it comes to be a mom, mostly -I just fully trust my own mom’s advice.
I’m your momma and I know what’s best for you. I may wash your hands 10,000 times a day and cut your food into teeny tiny bites. That’s because I instinctively feel that’s what’s best for you.
These days are flying by, you won’t be little for very long. Before long, you will be able to cut your own food and wash your own hands. You’ll be able to get up during the night and get yourself a glass of water. So, until that time comes- I’m going to baby you a little bit more and hold you a bit longer. I know that the day will come when I long for these days again.